Hungary's Guide to Successful Original Characters
by Satan's Sweeties
Summary: If your characters have been labeled Mary-Sues and you don't know why, or you just want to avoid making one in the first place, step inside for some hot chocolate, a cookie, and advice from none other than me, the ultimate fangirl – Hungary.
1. Part 1

It's mostly on the down-low, but when I'm not busy with worldly duties or selling "adult only" yaoi doujinshis at anime cons, I'm an avid fanfiction reader, writer, and critique giver—this means that yes, I do read your fanfiction about us, and I must say that many of them are quite superb. Pat yourselves on the back for that one.

But I also read fanfiction from other fandoms that seem to be plagued with the abomination known as the "Mary-Sue." It's quite close to being considered an epidemic, actually, and I honestly believe that the causes of this are inaccurate, ego-boosting reviews and a warped sense of what's "normal" and "acceptable" in the world of fanfiction. We understand that sometimes you want to shed a little light on your own personal characters, but the worst case scenario is your character hogging the spotlight like Austria hogs the bathroom in the mornings.

(Which is a euphemism for "like a diva," if you didn't catch my drift. I sometimes have a habit of not being able to express myself clearly, or so Prussia says. I think a frying pan to the face is clear enough, don't you?)

I'm quite aware that there have been many different guides such as this one, but mine focuses solely on the aspect of character creation, implementation, and proper usage. Nothing ruins a story more than characters that are too perfect, too flawed, too irritating, or too bland, and pretty much nothing will get you flamed faster than a rampant—sometimes even moderately subtle—Mary-Sue.

I'll be approaching the topic like one handles a lover: slowly and tenderly. So to start out with, I'll give you an idea of what a Mary-Sue actually is.

**PART 1.1 – MARY-SUE: AN ABRIDGED BIOGRAPHY**

A Mary-Sue is a character, usually female, that is created by authors who probably mean well. She typically has a personality, appearance, or talents that are too perfect or too unrealistic _for the guidelines of her respective universe_. Mary-Sue is beautiful, smart, musically inclined, a guy magnet, and has the coolest name around, despite it being so complicated that only those who can speak fluent Welsh can pronounce it correctly.

All that being said, don't be discouraged because a Mary-Sue litmus test told you your character was an Uber-Sue. Try litmus testing Sephiroth and see how much of a Mary-Sue _he _is.

The best example of a Mary-Sue in published literature I can give you is Bella Swan from the _Twilight _saga—she's cute, smart, a dude magnet, the only one whose mind Edward can't read, blah, blah, blah. Basically, her only real flaw is being a tad bit clumsy, but an average Mary-Sue litmus test probably wouldn't give her a very high score.

Take an original character for _Death Note_, Jiovanni "Jason" Cipriani. According to a non-fandom specific litmus test, he's a Sue because he's a genius, lives in a orphanage _for genius children _with some of the canon characters, speaks four different languages because of spending time with his friends, and so on and so forth; however, with a Wammy's House specific litmus test, he barely gets any marks against him.

Some of the best authors still manage to create Mary-Sues, whether or not they realize that they are doing so. She tends to creep up when it's least expected, anchoring herself into the inner workings of your plot before violently clawing her way to the surface and usurping the canon characters of their deserved roles. It's messy, overwhelming, and sometimes fuel for the flames, meaning you really need to either keep her chained very, very well, or kill her off while she's still a young thought.

To make it simple for you, here's a list of Mary-Sue's best (read: worst) defining qualities:

Good-looking  
>Super smart for no justifiable reason<br>Somehow manages to attract the attention of every guy within a five mile radius  
>"Unusual" hair or eye colors in a universe that doesn't see that often, if at all<br>Purple prose like whoa  
>Close relationship with canon characters for no real justifiable reasonrelationship happened too quickly to be believable  
>Severe changes in the personality of the canon characters<br>Extremely talented  
>Good singing voice<br>Flawless/nearly flawless

I'm not saying that you have to avoid all of these to avoid making a Mary-Sue, but I am saying that if you want to try to kick these clichés in the ass, you have to know how to go about it without causing your character to devolve into the species _Marius susanna_.

**PART 1.2 – THEY'RE MORE LIKE GUIDELINES**

In my honest opinion, one of the biggest mistakes fanfiction writers make is making an original character that's the son/daughter/sister/brother/long-lost eighth cousin of a canon character with no canonical backing whatsoever. If a character is in their mid-twenties in canon and you introduce their twelve-year-old child, people are going to have a problem.

Obviously, it's not a written rule that you can't make a character that's related to a canon character; in fact, it can be done, but not many people can really pull it off and make it believable. The same goes for being the boyfriend or girlfriend of a canon character—it takes a lot of work and a hell of a lot of planning and plot working to make that work and still seem like it could happen in canon.

One of the biggest subspecies of _Marius susanna _is the _Fulfillamenti fantasius, _better known as the Fantasy Fulfillment Sue or Self-Insert Sue. It starts out as a single, festering sexual fantasy that morphs into an original character, that's marvelously similar to the author, having sex with a canon character because the author wants to do the same to said canon character.

The misconception that some people have is as follows:

If a character is an original character, then it is a Mary-Sue.  
>If a character is a Mary-Sue, then it is a Self-Insert.<br>Therefore, all original characters are Self-Inserts.

This misconception, of course, couldn't be more inaccurate. A Self-Insert is just that—you, in the story with a different name, appearance, or age, but still the same personality, manner of speaking, or way of behaving. Self-Inserts usually lead to shite like _Twilight _being published and adored by many, many unaware fans that don't know that the whole damn thing was Meyer's dream recounted in story form with Bella representing an idealized version of herself.

But here's something I bet you didn't know: NOT ALL SELF-INSERTS SUCK. If written correctly, as with any type of possible _M. susanna_, a Self-Insert can become a fully fleshed out, three-dimensional character of her own.

My best advice for avoiding a Self-Insert is to distance yourself from the character enough to know that they have their own unique personality, but not so much as to leave gaping holes in their inner workings to fill up later, if at all.

Another common form of _M. susanna _is the _Canonus clono_, the opposite-gender clone of a pre-existing canon character, usually created under the impression that someone with your exact personality is your perfect match. Obviously, these authors don't know that it's nearly impossible to be on completely friendly terms with someone who reminds you too much of yourself; when you see their flaws, you really see _your _flaws, and it tends to make you angry.

Some more reasoning for you:

If a character's personality already exists, then the creator intended for it to be that way.  
>If the creator intended for it to be that way, then there should be only one with that personality.<br>Therefore, if a character's personality already exists, there should be only one with that personality.

This is the sole reason why Nation/Nyotalia!Nation would never work out, since Nyotalia is the only canon exception to the reasoning above.

The last subspecies I'll be detailing is the _Canonus ignorum_, the Sue that blatantly ignores the laws of canon or the canon storyline. She usually ends up with either the main character of the series, the character that has the biggest following despite not being a main character, or the character that the author wants to hook up with themselves.

Avoid this like the world avoids England's scones. Don't ask; just avoid it. It pisses people off like no other when they see their favorite series screwed up because one little author wanted to stick her own character into the canon storyline for fun.

**PART 1.3 – DIAGNOSIS: IT'S NOT LUPUS**

For those of you who hopped on the train to Successville with bags already packed with a few Sues, you'll have to brave the first step to improving your characterization skills and de-Sueing your characters—acceptance. You need to accept that your characters are Sues, and you need to roll with that to find a way to strip them of their dreaded label.

Sometimes well-rounded characters are hidden beneath a pile of apparent Sueisms, so the best thing to do is make an outline of a biography and fill in the important bits.

Name:  
>Age:<br>Appearance:  
>Height:<br>Weight:  
>Personality and Abilities<br>—Good:  
>—Bad:<br>Miscellaneous:

You don't have to follow this template religiously, as it's just the bare minimum, but something similar will usually do for highlighting the pros and cons of your character and helping you see their Sueisms/lack of Sueisms.

Another thing to try is roleplaying as your character to get a better understanding of their personality and how to go about it in a fanfiction. Get together with a friend and just have a crazy roleplay; try sticking your character into different situations to see how they react to different stimuli.

If blank happened, my character would blank.  
>Someone tells my character they have a crush on them. My character reacts by blank.<br>My character was arrested for blank and reacts by blank.

Just these little things can help make your characters better now and for the long run.

**PART 1.4 – TO BE [A SUE], OR NOT TO BE [A SUE]**

Ultimately, the final judging of an original character is left in the assumed capable hands of readers and critics, but you can damn well try your hardest to cut your characters down to size before publishing and receiving your sentence from the lurkers and hardcore fanfiction fanatics.

There are six things most Sue-hunters look for in a fanfiction, particularly in the first chapter:

—First person point-of-view of the original character  
>—Full-out description of appearance and clothing in first few paragraphs<br>—Flowery terms to describe looks (i.e., flowing locks of wheat, endless pools of cerulean, etc.)  
>—Drastic changes in the personalities of canon characters (i.e., a normally anti-social character going out of his way to greet your character)<br>—Unforgivable or unjustifiable discrepancies with canon, especially when the story takes place during the canon timeline  
>—If it starts with, "My name is…" or any variation thereof and is not a diary entry, blog post, recording, or the like<p>

Try to avoid these as much as possible, and it'll be less likely for you to consciously or subconsciously write a Mary-Sue. As with the qualities from an earlier part, it's possible to use one of these and make it work beautifully, but it's a rare occurrence and many don't see it in their lifetime.

It's up to the readers to decide whether or not a character is worthy of being called a Mary-Sue, and only a small handful of fanfictions have won over even the nastiest of Sue-hunters. All it takes is a little thinking and a whole lot of planning, with just a pinch of luck, for you to have a character you can be proud of calling your own.

**PART 1.5 – IN CLOSING**

We've gone over what a Mary-Sue is, the makings of _Marius susanna _and a few of her various subtypes, and little ways to stay away from creating one yourself. As long as you really think things through and make it a point to lay your characters out bare and exposed, you'll succeed in creating a likable, well-rounded original character that will please the masses.

Good characters please the masses.

Mary-Sues displease the masses.

You don't want to displease the masses.

Trust me.

Next chapter, we'll be getting into choosing a name, appearance, appropriate personality, and writing a good but non-cliché and Sueish back-story. I hope to see you there!


	2. Part 2

Hello, hello, hello! I'm glad to "see" you again, and I'm happy that you've decided to stick with this and me. To recap, last chapter we went over what essentially makes a Mary-Sue, things to look out for in your own fanfictions as well as those you may come across, and other general information; this time, we'll be getting into the beginning stages of crafting a successful, and memorably unique, original character.

Do you remember that template from section three of the previous chapter? You might want it now.

**PART 2.1 – WOULD SMELL AS SWEET**

Our names are an important part of who we are as individuals, and the same can be said about the names of characters. A name defines, a name identifies, and a name associates; having the "wrong" one could be detrimental to your brainchildren—I mean, characters. You wouldn't want a meek, shy guy named Butch, or a really, really ugly Spanish chick named Linda (because that's just cruel, you know).

The best thing to do is craft the personality and traits of your character first, then go back and pick out a name for them. Sometimes, though, it's easier to start out with the name and go from there—it's all mostly personal preference.

Mary-Sue is usually an American female with a name that is either impossibly long, improbably unique, or cliché and overused as all hell. Common themes are color-related names, such as Raven or Jade; something Japanese, like Sakura or, sometimes, the Japanese equivalent of a perfectly acceptable English name; or something that doesn't exist in any country in the original universe that is more or less asspulled by the author in a fit of "inspiration." Usually, however, the Japanese names for non-Japanese characters are the most common, because apparently, that makes sense in some far-off land.

Avoid that shite.

Your characters should have a name that makes them, them. It doesn't have to be something uncommon—it can be something more "normal," like Diana or Robert—but it does need to really encompass who the flying hell your character is, and why we should think twice about whether or not we should like them. Whenever I see a summary that says something like, "Jennifer Miyashi is the new girl from America," I scream, "Oh God, kill it with fire!"

Your character is not Japanese.

Don't give her a fucking Japanese name.

Seriously.

If your character is a born and raised German, they should have a German name; if your character is a born and raised Finn, give them a goddamned Finnish name. Don't try to "spice up" your characters by giving them "cool" names because all it does it make you look really damn _retarded_. We understand that you're a Japanophile and all, but we really don't want to read a story with Japanese-named, non-Japanese Americans using honorifics and gratuitous Japanese.

Also, unless there's a damn good reason, character names shouldn't exceed three: first, middle, and last. So Kiani Marianna Hailey Joanne Keys needs a serious name shortening. Sorry. And please, don't add random apostrophes, change the spelling to something ridiculous, or anything along those lines. Please.

Keep the names relevant, keep the names realistic, and you'll have no problems with that aspect.

**PART 2.2 – BIG BLACK BOOTS, LONG BROWN HAIR**

"Your appearance is everything."

Ever heard these words before? Well, they're partially true. When the time comes to give your character a face to display to the world, you want it to be the right one, lest they get stuck with something generic or overused. You have to take into account their upbringing, current situation, and social "position" when you create how they'll look.

For organization purposes and because Austria is anal retentive and also my editor, I've broken up this subsection into a few sub-subsections: hair, eyes, body shape, and clothing style.

—**part 2.2.1 – rapunzel, rapunzel**

Hair is prominent. Hair is a good accessory. As such, it should be carefully decided upon while your character is in the planning stage, and this means both the style and color of your original character's silky mane.

The first thing you should identify is the norm in the published universe you're subjecting to your characters—I mean, into which you're inserting your characters. Freudian slips abound today, my friends. If it's perfectly okay and normal for characters to have wacky hair colors like pink, purple, blue, or magically-changing rainbow mood ring hair, then it's totally acceptable to have an original character with such hair color; however, if _nobody _in the canon universe has unnaturally colored natural hair, then please, stay away from it.

Longer hair may be more aesthetically pleasing, but it's impractical for a female character that gets into many fights or ends up stranded somewhere. It's physically impossible to look mind-numbingly gorgeous and fabulous after a fight or a chase scene, and most authors don't get into how crappy the chick looks and end up leading the readers to either imagine her state of craptasticality or assume she looks modeling job-worthy. For the most part, don't pull a Tifa Lockhart and have your character miraculously look amazing(!) after a fight.

—**part 2.2.2 – windows to the soul**

In the real world, eyes are another's insight into your true emotions; in Sueville, eyes are "piercing," "bottomless orbs" that seem to change color all the freaking time or are just unnaturally colored. But eyes are still the barrier between your character's innermost feelings and their outside world, so take their appearance into careful consideration.

Genetics play a big role in how your character will look—for example, two people get together and a have a kid. Both people have brown eyes, therefore it's highly likely that the baby will have brown eyes as well. So if your character has parents that are seen or described in minute detail for some reason or another, take the genetics into account. It would be weird to have two parents with blond hair and blue eyes and come out with red hair and green eyes.

I understand that, in the real world, sometimes peoples' eyes change color depending on how they're feeling or what they're wearing, but it's sort of a Sueish character trait in fanfiction. Unless, of course, you can pull it off without coming off too stupidly.

—**part 2.2.3 – she's got legs; she knows how to use them**

You don't have to go into excruciating detail, but a general description of your character's body shape can help the readers understand more about them. Don't say things like, "Her pleated tartan skirt slid down to rest on her sizable, yet small hips," because that's just too much (and kind of a contradiction). I'd probably use something more like, "She hated her hips; they were too big, far too wide, and made her legs seem larger than they were. But other than that, she was happy with herself."

Things some readers may care to know (but not necessarily all readers):

—height  
>—some reference to weight<br>—short description of breasts (i.e., "her flat chest," "her voluptuous frame")  
>—whether or not she's athletically built<br>—using terms like "lanky," "compact," "muscular," etc.

Be careful not to use terms that are too descriptive or "flowery," as it turns most sensible readers off and leads to you not getting very nice reviews.

—**part 2.2.4 – itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow-polka dot bikini**

It's always nice to know what a character looks like, but it's not fun to have descriptions shoved down your throat like I almost shoved the handle of my frying pan down Prussia's that one time. If you really want to describe every piece of clothing they're wearing, then at least spread the descriptions out instead of list-paragraphing the very first sentences of your story.

DON'T:

"My name is Mary-Sue. I have long blonde hair that goes down to my knees, blue eyes that everyone notices, and I'm really pretty. I have on a cute purple shirt with a black leather belt above the shirt and over my stomach, a pair of my favorite jean shorts that are frayed at the ends because I like it that way, and brown sandals that look like Britannia Angel's shoes."

Excuse me while I go puke for committing that atrocity.

DO:

"Pulling my blonde hair back into a ponytail, I make a mental note to get that shit cut before the end of the school year. It's way too damn long and it's actually kind of annoying, so the sooner I can hack it off, the better it'll be.

My shorts are riding up like no other, and my boyfriend is late for our date, not to mention it's hot as hell out here and I'm sweating like a fat guy in a workout program. 'Hey, Mary-Sue!' a voice calls, grabbing my attention as I turn to see who's calling me.

I see a head of brown hair and a straw hat, which means it's Peggy. 'Hey, Peggs. What's up?'

She stops in front of me and smiles, saying, 'Nothing much. I like your sandals, by the way.'

'Thanks,' I respond, looking down at my strappy sandals before pulling the right one up to keep it from falling off. 'I just got them last week.' I also picked up my new purple shirt, though it probably needs to air-dry right now because I do believe I've just sweated through it."

I think that one seems a little better. Don't you? It's pretty much the same amount of description, just in an easy-to-swallow form that won't make you gag and puke up your last eaten meal. I find that quite nice indeed.

**PART 2.3 – LIKE MUSSOLINI AND KENNEDY**

Even more than names, personalities are a key part of what makes one person different from another—without them, we'd all just be cookie-cutter pieces of flesh with no depth or uniqueness. The same goes for your characters: if they're utterly lifeless and flat, they'll be boring as fugg and will actually make a good story suck more than England's cooking.

When you craft your character's defining traits it's okay to pick and choose a little bit from some of the canon characters, but avoid making them an amalgamation of the entirety of the canon cast, because this displeases the masses. Do you remember what we said about displeasing the masses? Good. Don't displease the masses. Nobody likes to see their favorite character stripped of their originality so you don't have to work hard to come up with a personality for your own character.

Here's a survey to fill out in your character's voice. It's also helpful for understanding them better—I myself have used it for my own characters.

**Basics**

1. Give a two or three word description of yourself.

2. Do you have any nicknames, street names, titles, or aliases?

3. What is your full birth name?

4. Where do you live?

5. Why do you live there?

6. What is your citizenship status?

**Physical Appearance**

1. How old are you?

2. What is your gender?

3. What is your species/race?

4. How tall are you?

5. How much do you weigh?

6. What is your general body type, frame, bone structure, and poise?

7. What is your skin color?

8. What is your hair color?

9. What is your hair style?

10. Do you have any facial hair?

11. What is your eye color?

12. Does it change?

13. How attractive are you (to yourself, to others)?

14. What is your most distinguishing feature?

15. Do you have any scars, tattoos, or birthmarks?

16. If so, how did you acquire them?

17. What do these distinguishing marks look like?

18. Do they have any special significance?

19. Where are they located?

20. How confident are you about your looks?

**Personality and Traits**

1. How do you generally treat others?

2. Do you trust easily (perhaps too easily) or not?

3. Are you introverted (shy and withdrawn) or extroverted (outgoing)?

4. Are you a humble soul or blusteringly proud?

5. Do you act differently than you feel (concealing your true thoughts)?

6. What habits would you find most annoying in friends?

7. Is there any race, creed, alignment, religion, class, profession, political viewpoint, or the like against which you are strongly prejudiced, and why?

8. How do others typically react to you?

9. Why, in your opinion, do they act that way?

10. What are your most annoying habits?

11. What is your favorite color?

12. What place would you most like to visit?

13. What annoys you the most?

14. What (if any) are your favorite forms of art?

15. What is your most treasured possession?

16. What things could you not live without?

17. What do you like about yourself?

18. What do you hate about yourself?

19. What would you change about yourself?

20. Give us a list of words that describe your personality/the way you perceive yourself.

21. What are your hobbies?

**Other**

1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?

4. When were you last on the phone? And with whom?

5. What are you excited for?

6. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?

7. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?

8. Have a best friend?

9. Are you scared to fall in love?

10. Do you think teenagers can be in love?

11. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?

12. What time is it right this second?

13. What do you want right now?

14. Who was the last person you took a picture with?

15. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?

16. When was the last time you cried?

17. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

18. Do you find it hard to trust other?

19. How fast does your mind change?

20. I bet you miss somebody right now.

21. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?

22. Why do you think so many people cheat?

23. Tell me what's on your mind.

24. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?

Here's an example of the first section when filled out:

**Basics**

1. Give a two or three word description of yourself.

Um… clumsy, awkward, and shy.

2. Do you have any nicknames, street names, titles, or aliases?

Yeah. Jason.

3. What is your full birth name?

You seem kinda trustworthy, so I'll tell you my name. Just don't tell anybody else, 'kay? My name is Jiovanni Marcelo Cipriani.

4. Where do you live?

I live in England—Winchester, to be precise.

5. Why do you live there?

'Cause I live at a house for genius children. I'm not very high in the rankings, though; I'm probably around 76 out of 100. But I like it there, so whatever.

6. What is your citizenship status?

Er, I'm a citizen? At least, I hope so…

Just something as simple as a little mock survey can help you really get inside your character's head and make them their own unique person. It also helps strengthen your bonds with your _other _characters, because you start really thinking about how character A would interact with character B and C if XYZ happened to them.

Another thing to watch out for is the absence of flaws. Real people have many, many flaws, and if a character is deemed too perfect she will be labeled as a Sue and requested to burn at the stake. Going back to Bella, her only flaw seems to be her slight clumsiness; with Jason, his clumsiness is a defining factor, and only one of his many flaws, such as his inability to sense the mood, habit of clamming up around new people, and pacifism.

Try out something like this:

Character Traits for (character):

Good:  
>—1.<br>—2.  
>—3.<br>—4.  
>—5.<br>Bad:  
>—1.<br>—2.  
>—3.<br>—4.  
>—5.<p>

My suggestion is to start out with five of each, then add more as you go along. You should shoot for an equal amount of both, or a little more on either one; you don't want too many on the good side, nor do you want too many on the bad side, as someone who's unnaturally flawed can come off as a Sue, too.

**PART 2.4 – DOOMED TO REPEAT IT**

What would Cloud Strife be without his angsty, emotional back-story? Would we care about Spencer Reid more if we didn't know his mother had mental problems? Is it easier to empathize with England when you've seen the reason as to why he is how he is, the Revolutionary War?

The answers are nothing, no, and yes, because a back-story gives us insight into a character's past and can sometimes rightfully justify their actions in the current timeline. If your character had a hard childhood that was spent out on the street, it makes sense why they would be tough-skinned and apprehensive to trust new people; conversely, if your character grew up in a loving household and got everything she wanted, it makes sense why she would make friends easily and be rather charismatic.

The type of back-story Mary-Sue usually has is angst, angst, angst—her parents died or abused her, she has no family left, she's "oh so gifted" but too "poor" to do anything about it, she's so pretty but so unfortunate, yadda, yadda, yadda. Not all original characters have to have emotional, heartstring-tugging childhoods, you know; it's possible to have a character with a perfectly normal upbringing and still manage to have a good character that blows past the Sue-hunters with flying colors.

Most Sue-infested example I can give you out of all the fandoms I usually frequent: _Death Note_'s Wammy's House.

Wammy's House is an orphanage for genius children to grow and compete to become the next L—the best detective in the world. The problem fans have when they create Wammy's characters is the back-story: they always tend to give them heartbreaking, teary-eyed back-stories when they don't need to. Elena Martinez, alias Ellie, still has a family that is alive and well. Her situation is that her parents couldn't afford to keep both her and her little brother, and since she was smart enough to hold her own at Wammy's she was sent there. She still visits her family once a month, however.

Sometimes, though, authors can do a well-enough job to give a character a terrible back-story that makes you cry without making them come off as a Sue; it all just depends on the writing skill of the author and the way they go about it. A scenario where every last family member is suddenly dead seems a little far-fetched, but having the parents die and the extended family want nothing to do with the now-orphaned kid sounds a bit more realistic. I'm not saying you _can't_ kill off their entire family, but I am saying that it stretches the boundaries of life a bit. Go on and try it if you want, though.

**PART 2.5 – IN CLOSING**

In the last two chapters, we've covered the definition of a general Mary-Sue, what makes Mary-Sue a Mary-Sue and how to keep Sue-hunters off your back, things to look out for when you read and write fanfiction, how to properly name an original character, ways to create and describe their appearance without them devolving into a _Marius susanna_, and what to generally avoid when making their back-story.

There's a lot of stuff to take into consideration when it comes to making a good, solid original character, and it's not something you can just do in five minutes and get it over with; it takes a lot of time and a lot of thought to create something you can be glad to point out and say, "That's _my _character."

Next chapter, I'll be going over relationships with both canon and other original characters, introducing your character without dragging the pre-existing cast out-of-character, and how to write your character into an alternate universe/altered circumstances fanfiction. Ta-ta for now, fanstudents!


	3. Part 3

You know, nothing makes me happier or makes me feel warmer and fuzzier on the inside than knowing that this is actually helpful to some of you. It's absolutely wonderful to wake up in the morning and see people who've thanked me for my guide so far. With any luck, it'll have a positive effect on fanfiction in general, and maybe help slow and-slash-or stop the Mary-Sue epidemic creeping into fanfictions left and right, day after day.

Last chapter was nearly all about whom your character is and why the hell they are how they are, and included appearance, personality, and a good back-story. If everything goes according to plan, this chapter will cover how to create believable, realistic relationships with both the canon characters and other original characters; how to add your character into a story without making them hijack the plot and turn a perfectly good story into, "Hey, isn't my character just _awesome_?"; and how to properly go about writing an alternate universe/altered circumstances fanfiction.

**PART 3.1 – THE MORE YOU RUV SOMEONE**

Relationships with other people can bring out the best in us, or they can turn the tables and bring out the worst in us—it all depends on the type of the relationship it is, and the other person/people in that relationship. A good friend can bring us out of our shell and make us a little more receptive to the world, but a bad friend can cause us to fight with those we might've never fought with because of what they say or do. An abusive relationship can make a girl feel shy and withdrawn, but a healthy one can make her more outgoing and happy.

Fortunately, Austria was busy at the time of editing, so Germany offered to help proofread instead; unfortunately, he also seems to be anal retentive as freak and may even be _more_ high-strung than Austria. The result? You guys get sectioned subsections again. Hoorah.

—**part 3.1.1 – if you ever catch on fire, send a wire**

Think long and hard about the person you call your best friend. What makes them your "best" friend? What attracted you to them in the first place? Is your friendship still the same as it was when you were younger, or has it improved/worsened over the years? If you hadn't known each other before and you met them for the first time today, would you still be their friend? Why or why not?

In my case, my best friend and I go together like donkeys and trombones. I don't hate Prussia, and I never have, but sometimes he's just an irritating idiot that deserves a nice whack in the balls from shiny new Farberware. He's my closest friend, hands down, and it _was_ his original personality—however overbearing and egotistical it may have been and still is—that drew me to him. It's because of our different personalities that we're such good friends, and I'm positive that I'd absolutely hate his guts if we were exactly the same.

Herein lies the point I'm trying to make: when you start crafting your character's relationships with the other characters, you have, have, _have _to keep everyone's personalities in mind, because two people that are too alike or too different will _never _get along. When you're around someone's that's a near carbon-copy of your personality, you get angry because instead of seeing their faults, you see your own; when you're around someone who has nothing in common with you, you get annoyed at the fact that they have nothing relevant, in your eyes, to say.

Some examples of friendships that'll never work:

—England and France – the reason should be obvious, but their personalities are too different to be compatible. It'd probably make for some hot hate-sex, though.  
>—Two stubborn people that refuse to quit in an argument – person A thinks they're right and person B is an idiot, but person B thinks <em>they're <em>right and person _A _is the idiot. Of course, this leads to more and more fighting, and usually requires a good mediator to break them the hell up.  
>—The clean roommate and the messy one – Clean-freak wants Pigsty to pick up his damn dirty clothes, but Pigsty says fuck it and does what he wants. Usually ends up with Clean-freak having a drama queen meltdown and, if push comes to shove, much cussing ensues to the point where the landlorddorm "god" will have to come tell them to shut the fuck up.  
>—The nice guy and the asshole – Sweetheart wants everyone to be his friend, but Jerkass is on a mission to piss as many people off as possible. More often than not, Jerkass will hurt Sweetheart's feelings and make him cry.<p>

Obviously, any relationship can grow to be at least a casual friendship over years and years, even with those personalities that may not be very compatible, but it's more likely that you'll be hit by a meteor and gain superpowers than England and France ever becoming all buddy-buddy.

—**part 3.1.2 – hey hey, you you**

So. Romantic relationships. There are really only two ways to go about them—the right way, and the way so wrong you want to kick a puppy before shaving a cat and rubbing hydrogen peroxide on the cuts and scratches you get from doing so just so you can go find another cat and repeat the process. Many, many, many romance writers tend to take the second path, and even the romance novelists—hell, _especially_ the romance novelists—are guilty of it.

First things first: no matter if it's your own characters or the canon characters, LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT DOES NOT EXIST. It's not possible to fall in love with someone just by spotting them for the first time, even if it's at a coffee shop—which is cliché, don't try that—though it _is_ possible to want to _bone_ someone at first sight.

Now, the obligatory math time for today:

Someone new + the fact that it isn't a fairytale story = no love at first sight  
>Someone new + sex on first date = dude, she's too easy, and it's just lust<br>Someone new + "hey, wanna go out for lunch?" = possibility of future love, but not at first sight

Savvy, wenches? Though we all like to believe that love at first sight exists and we'll all meet our Prince Charming one day who'll sweep us off our feet on a white horse, we all realize that life likes to throw sour fruits at us until we grudgingly recognize that life doesn't work that way. It takes months, even years, to fall in love with someone, not moments. Understand that, and you're one step closer to being a good romance writer.

Relationships of the romantic kind have various different shades, from controlling to equal, S&M to loving, clumsy and awkward to practiced and well-rehearsed. It all depends on your characters' romantic backgrounds and past experiences; for example, a character that's a virgin is more likely to be klutzy and nervous in bed than someone's who's been around the cul de sac a couple times.

Interactions between both halves of the couple are important to delve into as well. Are they the type to blush like idiots when just holding pinkies, or are they retardedly comfortable with each other to the point of having no qualms about making out in public? Couples that have been together for extended periods of time will more likely be relaxed and themselves around their significant other, but a new couple that may have just moved past the "friends" stage may be shy and embarrassed around each other. Just keep that in mind.

Mary-Sue tends to lurk in the summaries that only mention one OC but say, "Canon A x OC, Canon B x OC, and Canon C x OC." _Marius susanna_, the little buggers, are usually the Captain Kirk of whatever fandom they're (unfortunately) thrust into, meaning they get remarkably more romance than any of the other characters—even the canon ones. Ideally, Mary-Sue hooks up with Boy #1 within the first two or three chapters, which is highly unlikely in any real-life situation but Mary-Sue doesn't follow those rules so whatever, cheats on Boy #1 with Boy #2 or breaks up with #1 by chapter seven or eight (or earlier), and is abused by Boy #2 before leaving him for Boy #3 during the last few chapters.

She's got one hell of a love life. I'll give her that.

(For those of you who didn't understand a word of what I just said, I'll put it bluntly: Mary-Sue's frozen dairy beverage attracts all those who carry the Y-chromosome to the vegetated area outside her residence. For those of you not academically versed enough, too damn tired, or just too lazy, here's a more "modern" translation: Mary-Sue's milkshake brings _all _the boys to the yard.)

The best way to avoid a rampant Cumbucket Sue (_Spermpailus susanna_) is to confine her (or him, if you're into that sort of thing. I don't see how anyone couldn't be, though; it's just so _hot_) to one guy and one guy only should you feel the insatiable need to stick your character with a canon character. Just don't go overboard and reject all other pairings that include the canon character with a character other than your own, because that in and of itself can turn a good character into a Sue in 5.43 seconds flat.

Remember the personalities when you pair characters off, too; they don't magically lose importance and cause characters to become whiny bitches instead of men like they should be. Nothing turns readers off more than seeing their favorite character's personality butchered so they can compliment (read: exalt) an original character.

—**part 3.1.3 – i got all my sisters and me**

Don't forget to include your character's family, too. Not everybody in the world can be an only child with no other family, so feel free to add in siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, moms, dads, whatever; nobody's going to look down upon you because you actually gave your character _depth_.

This also applies to justifying why or how your character is related to a canon character. It's easier to do with a fandom like _Hetalia_, since we're all countries and can technically all be related to each other, but may not be so easy to pull off with any other fandom.

To make things simple, I'll just use _Hetalia _as an example, and I'll be using Virgin Islands for this one:

The Virgin Islands are, in real life, split between the U.S. Virgin Islands and the British Virgin Islands. To avoid having to make two characters, Virgin Islands was envisioned as the child stuck between two "divorced" parents—America and England. So, yes, she is the daughter of two of the canon characters, but no, that doesn't make her a Mary-Sue; since she wasn't birthed by either of them and more or less "adopted," she's not really their "daughter" but she still refers to them as her parents. Because she is America's "daughter," she's also Canada's "niece," as he is America's brother.

When it comes to _Hetalia _and family relationships, it's easily explained by historical backing and researched facts. The same goes for pairing us off, since every country has some sort of historical backing that can be enough to justify shipping me with someone I'm not usually shipped with. We don't mind, though; it actually makes us feel loved that people are paying attention to us.

Other fandoms? Not so much. _Death Note _Suethors seem to be highly guilty of creating that girl that's either L's daughter, Mello's sister, Light's "long lost" twin sister, or Matt's sister, then pairing them off with another character—usually, L's daughter is paired with Light, Mello's sister is paired with Matt, Light's "long lost" sister is paired with L, and Matt's sister is paired with Mello. For the most part, these accusations are spot-on, despite how biased and rude they may seem.

Making an original character related to a canon character doesn't always make them a Sue. Take Heloise from _Ramblings of a Reclusive Redhead, _for example—the only time you "see" her is when she comments on Matt's blog, you don't even know what she looks like or how she acts, and she has a boyfriend that is actually another original character. She's out of the way, plays no big part, and is only there to show the type of relationship she has with Matt.

(In my opinion, _that _is how _all _"sisters of canon characters" should be. But hey, to each his own.)

**PART 3.2 – PERSONALITY CRISIS**

Mary-Sue has a special power that comes to light when she's added to a fanfiction and happens to be the "new girl," a power that causes all anti-social men to fawn over her and dedicate their precious gaming time to her, and causes all assholes to become sweet and loving. This power? OHSWTFHHTMFCTFITS, or more commonly known as OOC.

I'll break it down:

**O**h  
><strong>H<strong>oly  
><strong>S<strong>hit  
><strong>W<strong>hat  
><strong>T<strong>he  
><strong>F<strong>ucking  
><strong>H<strong>ell  
><strong>H<strong>appened  
><strong>T<strong>o  
><strong>M<strong>y  
><strong>F<strong>avorite  
><strong>C<strong>haracter  
><strong>T<strong>he  
><strong>F<strong>uck  
><strong>I<strong>s  
><strong>T<strong>his  
><strong>S<strong>hit

But its shorter name is OOC, which is the condensed version of:

**O**ut  
><strong>O<strong>f  
><strong>C<strong>haracter

OOC occurs when the canon characters swap personalities with hormonal teenage girls for some inexplicable reason that most reviewers seem to ignore when they leave their "omg update plz" messages. If a character is a man-bitch, _fucking leave him that way_. If a character is an anti-social snarker, _fucking leave him that way_. If a character is the bitchy mean girl that hates everyone who isn't rich and beautiful, _fucking leave her that way_. The original creator gave the characters their personalities for a reason, and we fans would appreciate if you kept that in mind while writing, thanks.

The widespread OOC-ness can sometimes cause the worst Sue known to mankind—_Canonus susanna_, or the Canon Sue.

A Canon Sue is a canon character that's been warped past recognition and now exists solely as the author's pure imagination with the shell and name of a canon character. This usually stems from the author being inexperienced at writing fanfiction, ignorant to the canon characters' personalities because they either didn't watch the show or didn't pay enough attention, or just an asshole that doesn't care about how in-character the canon characters are and is writing solely to "act out" some weird fantasy they had.

Japan saying, "Holy tits," would be OOC…

…but hilarious.

You know you'd laugh so hard you'd snort whatever you're drinking out your nose.

It's true.

So.

Yeah.

…holy _tits_.

**PART 3.3 – WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE**

Admit it. We're all guilty of dabbling in alternate universe fanfictions, because sometimes canon just isn't enough, or we enjoy fucking up the otherwise normal and healthy lives of the teenaged version of canon characters. Some are good, some are okay, some make you want to hurl your insides out one painful organ at a time.

Unfortunately, AU fanfictions also have a habit of spawning Mary-Sue and her friends Mary, Sue, Maria-Susan, and Ohfuckjustgiveup-Youdamnsuethor. Many younger authors don't realize that thinking up a successful original character takes work and logic, and those that do have a habit of not using it.

High school is a time of learning more about yourself and finding out who you really are, and for some it can be a positive time; for others, not so much. But adding in wangsty, emo Sues won't make anyone feel bad for them, and will probably only piss them off enough to flame you or send otherwise nasty messages via the review function. I'm not telling you to avoid angst, but I am trying to relay the fact that not all high school characters, original or otherwise, have to be dramatic and saptastic emos that cut themselves and listen to emo rock.

Something rare in most fandoms that are actually seen often in the _Hetalia _fanbase are historical stories, given the premise of what we are in canon. More often than not the historical stories are in-universe, but every once in a while they'll be a good AU historical story.

Common types of AUs:

—High school AU – used to death, but some authors can pull it off well.  
>—College AU – not seen as often, but sometimes falls victim to the same wangst and fail the high school AUs do.<br>—Modern AU – usually used for fandoms that may take place canonically in the past.  
>—Steampunk AU – growing in popularity, though still generally obscure.<br>—Apocalypse AU – as with steampunk, growing in popularity.  
>—Supernatural AU – vampires, werewolves, etc. Thank you, <em>Twilight<em>, for the crappy influx.

Another offshoot of AU is AC, or altered circumstances. Stories under this label take place in the canon universe and timeline, but one or more events have been altered that would, over time, affect the original outcome of the series. This could be as simple as something not happening that happened in canon, or as complex as the Axis Powers winning World War II and the aftermath.

AC stories like to breed Canon Fixer Sues (_Canonus fiximus_), a special type of Sue that inserts herself into the canon timeline and proceeds to do her job, sometimes even ending up with the main character and fulfilling the author's originally intended wishes. Fixer Sue likes to masquerade as a well-rounded character and may even get away with it, but an experienced Sue-hunter will spot her from a mile away.

Not many loyal fans will enjoy reading AU or AC fics, simply because they're usually canon purists that hate to see their favorite characters put into situations they'd never normally find themselves in, but a well-crafted, intelligent, believable AU might win over even the purest of purists.

("Purest of purists." Trololololol)

If you want to try your hand at using your original characters in an AU or AC fanfiction, just keep them relevant to the plot and avoid having them take things over to the point where it's now become about nothing but your characters. Unless you have a serious cult following that knows your OCs and actually gives a freak about them, I would suggest avoiding OC-centric fanfictions. After all, the reason we're all here is to read about the canon characters, right?

"Of course, Miss Hungary, but sometimes a good original character is okay, too. That's why we're here—to learn how to write our own so they don't suck. Teach us more, Miss Hungary!"

Well, if you say so.

But only because you asked.

**PART 3.4 – PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS AND BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT**

I felt like time periods and such were important enough to warrant their own subsection, so I've compiled this little doozey for you all because I love you from the heart of my bottom. As I'm sure we all know, time periods in a story are ridiculously important and are actually crucial to the plot and its legitimacy. If it's the Great Depression and your characters have iPods, you'll have a lot of people going, "Well, hngh… that ain't right…"

After which your legitimacy goes, "WTF DOOD CYA L8R TROLOLOLOLOL!" and flushes himself down the toilet while singing "Hakuna Matata" in Spanish and smoking a blunt.

(Holy _tits_, that would be hilarious to see. Oh, crap—off-topic. Bad Hungary.)

Basically, it's always a good idea to do the research _before _you start writing your story, because it's kind of embarrassing to have a reviewer point out something you could've avoided in the first place. Also watch the manner of speaking, because certain time periods have their own unique dialect depending on where in the world you are and to what social class you belong.

Other examples:

—Women weren't always allowed to wear pants. Check up on that fact before Venise buys new dress pants.  
>—Racial (in)equality. You should know that one.<br>—Women's political rights (good God, I sound like a feminist). Suffrage, anyone?  
>—Rights for LGBT. They exist as well, and damn if they aren't still struggling.<p>

Historical inaccuracies are a big, big, big, mudderfugging _BIG _no-no, because you will, undoubtedly, have history buffs, nerds, enthusiasts, and whores on your ass like white on rice, and you _won't_ enjoy that one freaking bit. Trust me, ducklings.

(Is it strange that I suddenly have a picture in my head of Eddie Izzard voicing England in the English dub? Lord knows he'd only sound more camp than he already does. [Not that that's a bad thing, though.] And now Stephen Colbert is America. God. _God_. Make it _stop_.)

**PART 3.5 – IN CLOSING**

Things we've covered so far:

—Definition of a Mary-Sue  
>—What makes Mary-Sue a Mary-Sue<br>—How to tactfully avoid Sue-hunters  
>—What to look for when reading and writing fanfiction<br>—Properly and believably creating names  
>—How to create and describe their appearance without them morphing into <em>M. susanna<em>  
>—Things to avoid when creating a good back-story<br>—Forming compatible and realistic relationships: friendly, romantic, familial  
>—Controlling rampant OOC-ness<br>—Things to remember when writing an AU or AC story  
>—Keeping the time period in mind<p>

Next chapter's focus will be on how your character affects the environment and how the environment affects them, writing good, believable dialogue between your character and the other characters, choosing the point-of-view that's best for your characters and your story, and determining how much or how little your character will affect the plot.

I've gotta go right now, since Japan just sent me the most interesting text message about two certain male nations preparing to do a certain something, so I'll see you again soon! _Au revoir_!

(Seriously, though. Stephen Colbert = America. I can see it.)


	4. Part 4

So, guess what I found out over the weekend while the Germanics and I lounged around outdoors? That it freaking sucks to fall asleep in the sun after forgetting to put on sunscreen. I look like a well-done _lobster_, damn it, and movement is the enemy right now. At least it'll transition to a nice tan in a week or so, so it's not _all _bad. Still hurts, though, and I'm _definitely_ taking advantage of the aloe moisturizer until I can touch my skin without swearing up a storm.

My personal problems aside, I'm ecstatic from the reaction to last chapter, and I'm starting to get a really good grip on just how long this guide will be and just how much information I should be shoving into it. I'm learning along the way as I write this, and it's a bundle of fun to help you guys out as well. A spoonful of funny helps the knowledge go down, right?

During today's installation, I'll be covering the effects your characters have on their environment and vice versa, including their degree of importance; constructing dialogue that's realistic and natural, as well as appropriate for the characters and their personalities; and analyzing the plot and setting of the story to determine which point-of-view and narrator should be used.

**PART 4.1 – I WANT IT THAT WAY**

Everyone thinks that they're more important than the next person, but that's simply human nature—the same goes for original characters. Their creators think they're the coolest thing since sprayable cheese, and others may think the same of their own characters, leading to some secondary characters usurping the canon characters of their importance. Don't undermine your character's importance to the story and the plot, but don't over-exalt it to the point where it's tediously irritating.

You all know who my editor(s) is/are, so you know the drill by now. SECTIONED SUBSECTIONS, I CHOOSE YOU!

—**part 4.1.1 – front and center**

Original characters have three levels of importance: primary, secondary, and tertiary. The first, primary, denotes the characters that are the most fleshed-out, the "main" characters of the story and therefore the most likely to be Sue-judged on their personality and the like. These are the characters that are the "newcomers," or the ones that meet up with the canon characters and thereby progress the plot further.

Mary-Sue likes to be the primary original character, because then it's easier for her to get all the important canon characters to like her and care about her, despite the fact that she's usually annoying as hell and adds nothing to the story. She's the "new girl" at school, the new addition to the squad, and sometimes even randomly added as the unexplained girlfriend of a canon character that may have either had a significant other beforehand, been of a differing sexual orientation, or just had no interest in a relationship. But because Mary-Sue is perfect, she can bend the wills and sexual preferences of the canon characters to her liking.

Lucky bitch, huh?

When you create a primary original character, the most crucial thing to remember is depth, depth, depth—you don't want to have a flat and lifeless character as one of your leads, because then they fall short and readers are just sitting there saying, "So, why should I care about this character again? I mean, there's no real reason for them to be there."

Here's an example:

Group of canon characters are on an adventure and need a guide. They come across a man/woman that is willing to help them for no apparent reason. But as they go along, they realize that their guide may not have entirely virtuous intentions.

If you just stick your character in as the guide/helper without giving them some type of motive for doing so, it makes them come off as unnecessary and useless, as well as being a near beacon to Sue-hunters for seemingly knowing a lot without any explanation as to why. Give them a reason for being there, but don't come out and say it; instead, have your character subconsciously drop little hints that the canon characters pick up on, eventually either coming to the conclusion themselves, or having something epic happen that gives your character away.

(Unless your character is Mother Teresa, there's always a reason for helping someone else. I helped Japan re-shingle his roof a while back, and like hell I did it out of kindness—I got ten free doujinshis out of it.)

—**part 4.1.2 – second fiddle**

Secondary characters, while not being as important as the primary characters, should still have a noticeable amount of character development, even if they're the type of character to die three-quarters of the way through the story. Unless we get to know them as a character, we won't care if they die for no apparent reason.

But if you really want to kill 'em, we won't stop you.

Think of your characters as pastries—the primary character is the cupcake that has frosting, chocolate chips, sprinkles, and all the other goodie toppings you can squeeze on there, while the secondary characters are the cupcakes with frosting and _maybe _sprinkles if you choose, but not as many bells and whistles as the primaries. The tertiary characters are more like… muffins. Bran muffins. With fruit and… nuts. And other healthy stuff that nobody likes.

I guess.

And now I'm hungry (Hungary. Trololololol. Somebody stop me soon).

For those of you who lost me at the cupcake metaphor, your secondary characters play back-up to the primaries, but they're not just tossed in for the sake of having a character; rather, they're developed enough to be a Character, but not enough to be a CHARACTER. So they're major, but not major-major or imperative—

Scratch that. They're imperative, just not _too _imperative.

ANYWHO. BACK ON TRACK, HUNGARY. Not only does Mary-Sue like to be the primary character, but she occasionally lurks in the background, waiting for the opportune moment to pounce and leave you knocked on your ass, wondering what the hell just happened to the hey-these-original-characters-aren't-that-bad vibe you had going on.

Well, what just happened was little Mary-Sue got too big for her britches and staged a coup, also known as a usurpation.

usurp (yoo-sirp)  
>—<em><strong>vb.<strong>_  
>1. to seize, take over, or appropriate (land, a throne, etc) without authority<p>

2. to get a big head about yourself and decide to overthrow the king/queen and rule the whole fucking kingdom because it sounded like a good idea when you mulled it over as you ate your morning Lucky Charms

I may have paraphrased that last one. Quite possibly could've made it up. The world may never know.

("The world may never know." Now I want Tootsie Pops. I'm hungry again… Hungary… for some Turkey. *le shot*)

So, to recap, secondary characters are slightly less important than the primaries, but still deserve the same amount of attention to detail (though just a smidgen less) that the primaries get. Mary-Sue comes in all shapes and sizes; she's a master at Hide-and-Seek, too, so beware and be aware.

—**part 4.1.3 – the one in the polka dot dress**

The tertiary characters are, as I said before, the bran muffins of the dozen cupcakes that are your original characters. For the most part, tertiary characters can be used as victims of tragedies that affect your main-er characters by the Six Degrees of Knowing Someone theory, someone they just bump into, or as just a side character to the side characters. Like the guys who make the gadgets but are never mentioned by name or are only shown briefly.

Yep. _Those _guys.

Examples(!):

—those creepy guys in the alley in _Twishite_—pardon, _Twilight  
><em>—most of the Death Eaters in _This Series is Ten Times the Series Twilight is_ _and Has a Fucking Theme Park So it's Astronomically Better So Suck it Smeyer_—pardon, _Harry Potter  
><em>—99.9% of the Isvalans in _Fullmetal Alchemist  
><em>—99.9% of the criminals killed in _Death Note_

And so on and so forth.

MY POINT. IT IS GOTTEN, YES?

GUT. DAS IST GUT.

**PART 4.2 – TALK NERDY TO ME**

"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?  
>It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.<br>Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,  
>Who is already sick and pale with grief,<br>That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.  
>Be not her maid since she is envious.<br>Her vestal livery is but sick and green,  
>And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!<br>It is my lady. Oh, it is my love.  
>Oh, that she knew she were!<br>She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?  
>Her eye discourses. I will answer it.—<br>I am too bold. 'Tis not to me she speaks.  
>Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,<br>Having some business, do entreat her eyes  
>To twinkle in their spheres till they return.<br>What if her eyes were there, they in her head?  
>The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars<br>As daylight doth a lamp. Her eye in heaven  
>Would through the airy region stream so bright<br>That birds would sing and think it were not night.  
>See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.<br>Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand  
>That I might touch that cheek!"<p>

Oh, Romeo. You poor, misguided, longwinded, walking hormone.

A Hungary Translation™:

"Fuck, she's hot. I wanna do her."

Because that's what dialogue has evolved/devolved to. What once took pages to get across can now be said with a wolf-whistle, an eyebrow waggle, and an, "Oh, yeah."

Dialogue is, in a story, the vocal interaction between characters and is written with "quotes," like that. The way someone talks can tell a lot about the kind of person they are, and the rules are the same going the other way: the kind of person someone is usually determines how they speak. For example, it's unlikely that you'd come across a mobster with grammatically perfect English, and it's also unlikely that an English professor would say, "Don't sweat it, yo," or, "My bad."

Things to consider:

—Your character's background: Are they upper-class? Middle? Lower? Where did they grow up? What sort of language or speech patterns were they subjected to during the impressionable years?  
>—Your character's age: Are they young? A teenager? An adult? Elderly? What kinds of speech do others their age use? Is that the norm?<br>—The time period: Is it modern? Victorian? Does the story take place in the future? What speech conventions are used in that time period that might be different from the one we live in? How are they different?

And, if all else fails, Do The Fucking Research (DTFR).

Can't figure out how people spoke in Victorian England? DTFR.

Want to know if a certain technology existed in the 1930s? DTFR.

Don't know if it was normal for a person in a certain country in a certain time period to do a certain something? DTFR.

Don't believe what I'm telling you and doubt my knowledge? DTFR.

DTFR is your friend, not your enemy, and you'll find that it's much easier to remember things when you DTFR because you _want _to get all the facts straight, not because you _have_ to get all the facts straight (we'd appreciate it if you did, though).

(If your story takes place in, say, an alternate dimension or something, you can disregard most of what I just said. I suppose. It's up to you.)

Most importantly, though, dialogue has to _flow_. It can't feel unnatural or forced, or your entire story will sound a bit wonky. Don't be afraid of contractions if your characters are modern-day commoners, and don't be afraid to get fancy if they're the upper-class of the 1900s British society.

Here's a quick dialogue exercise using the prompts _skiing_, _snowboarder_, and _accidental collision_:

"Brett slid his goggles back over his eyes and flexed his fingers as he stood up straight and grabbed a ski pole in each hand, more than ready to get the freak down the mountain already—though it seemed that Fate didn't want him to make it down there. Not that he was necessarily new to having the Fates against him, but he knew he had to have good karma sometimes, too.

'On your left!' someone called out as they sped past him on a snowboard, knocking him onto his back and leaving him struggling to pull himself out of the deep snow. The snowboarder skidded to a stop before jogging back up to help Brett to his feet again. 'Sorry about that,' they said as they offered him a hand.

'No prob,' Brett replied, accepting the proffered appendage and allowing himself to be pulled up. He brushed the snow off his back and sides, shaking his gloves off. 'Nice boarding, bee-tee-dubs. You've got some real skill.' It wasn't a lie; the kid could board better than Brett, and he'd lived in Cavon since birth. He was practically _born _on the mountainside.

He (or at least Brett _thought_ the boarder was a boy. The jaw was rather strong and the shoulders were pretty broad, but something about the ocean blue eyes staring back at him puzzled him) smiled and said in his rough voice, 'Thanks. It's funny, considering my background. Oh, and my name's Len. It's actually short for Lenonambachika, my middle name, but I like it more than my first name.'

'Brett. I don't think I've ever seen you around here before. You new?'

Len nodded. 'Just moved here last week from Shadim. My dad got a new job.'

Pursing his lips, Brett whistled in astonishment and said, 'Shadim, huh? For a beach kid, you've got some serious snowboarding talent. Were you a surfer?'

'You could say that.' He shrugged. 'Something like surfing, I guess. So, uh, if you don't mind…' As he motioned to the slope, Brett mentally punched himself and bid Len goodbye, watching him maneuver down the mountain gracefully before grabbing his ski poles and heading down himself.

The winds stung his face as he sped down the slope and swerved side to side, enjoying the rush of the beginning of ski season."

There. Nice and… flow-y, I guess. I'm running out of adjectives.

(I guess it's because I'm… Russian to… Finnish…)

In short: Dialogue. Flow. Be natural. Also appropriate to character. Ooga booga.

(Fun fact: Finnish and Hungarian are the only two languages that are almost identical to one another. You learn something new every day.)

**PART 4.3 – QUÉ Y DÓNDE**

Plot and setting are vital.

Write that two hundred times on the blackboard, class, and then we'll move on.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting are vital.

Plot and setting—enough of that.

Get your notebooks out, students.

What happens and where it happens are extremely important, both in fanfiction and in original publications. If you don't have a good enough grip on your plot, you end up with gaping craters of oh-shit-something-was-supposed-to-happen-and-didn't-but-maybe-nobody-will-notice, which tends to turn respectable characters into Mary-Sues when the author tries to fix the plot holes.

(Oh, and bee-tee-dubs, we _always _notice plot holes. You _can't _get away with it. Unless it's crack, but that's a topic for another day.)

The setting is, essentially, where the shit's going down. It's always important to give a good description of where your story's taking place, but just like with character description, you don't want to word vomit it in the first paragraph or so.

And try to avoid starting a story with, "It was a…" because it's cliché. Obviously there are exceptions, such as parodies, crackfics, and style imitating for a specific purpose, but it's best to just shelve the desire completely.

The five parts of a plot are:

**Exposition:** The freaking beginning.

**Rising Action: **Shit starts making its way toward the fan, but stops to pick up more shit along the way.

**Climax: **Whoops, shit just hit the fan.

**Falling Action: **Winding down to a close, and where the main character stops sucking and gains a pair of balls.

**Resolution: **The freaking end.

Ah, simplicity. 'Tis a beautiful thing, no?

For the setting, it's easy to associate it with the five themes of geography—location, place, region, movement, and human-environmental interactions.

**Location: **Where is it? What country/state is it in? What city?

**Place: **What's it like there? What are the seasons like? Is the air thick or thin? Is it smoggy? Is it clear? Is it mountainous or flat?

**Region: **What is the area around it like? Do the people in the same region speak the same language? Like the same clothes? Have the same traditions?

**Movement: **How do people there travel? Do they have cars, or do they walk? Do they use a train? Do they fly in airplanes?

**Human-Environmental Interactions: **How do the people affect their environment? How does their environment affect them? How have they modified it over the years? How has it modified them?

Plot and setting are vital.

Remember that, ducklings.

**PART 4.4 – YOU'RE TELLIN' ME; NO, I'M TELLIN' YOU**

There are three different basic types of narration: first person, second person, and third person. First person is written as if the author were the character; the narration says "I" did this and "I" did that. Second person is written as though giving directions; it's "you" did this and "you" did that. Third person is written as if the author were God; it's "he" or "she" did this and "he" or "she" did that. Each has their advantages, and each has their _dis_advantages.

Holy crap, guys, it's a freaking BOGO. _Two _subsections are sectioned? Woo-hoo!

Excuse me, I have to go lie down now.

—**part 4.4.1 – i am what i is**

When writing in first person narrative, it's important to understand that you are _not _the character and are simply borrowing their body for your own nefarious exploits; as such, you have to be _extremely _careful not to mix your natural personality with the one you're trying to channel. That breeds OHSWTFHHTMFCTFITS, which, if you remember, is the technical name for OOC.

It's not difficult to write in first person, but it's difficult to do _correctly_.

The biggest mistake Suethors make—other than making Mary-Sues—is writing their stories in the point-of-view of their characters. _Big _no-no. That just screams, "SUE!" and puts people off pretty freaking quickly. Unless, of course, you're damn good and pull it off well enough.

And even then, it's something to pretty much avoid.

—**part 4.4.2 – thou art**

Ah, second person. Something not often seen… and with good reason, too. Second person stories are hard to pull off well because the readers may not believe that they _are _the character, which just makes them feel awkward. And an awkward reader is not something you necessarily want, unless the point of the story was to make them feel uneasy about something.

Also, second person stories aren't allowed on here, so there's another reason to stay away from writing them.

—**part 4.4.3 – that ol' he said, she said**

Dude.

You cannot, repeat _cannot_, go wrong with a third person story. It's up to you to choose whether it's limited or omnipotent (which will be covered soon), but it's your safest bet when writing, especially if you're using a lot of original characters or you like to switch between characters a lot.

Limited third person is when you focus on what the characters feel, and, in turn, they don't know what's going to happen. It can also mean an extended first person narrative, since it gets into the character's thoughts but there's still a third-party narrator. Conversely, omnipotent third person is when the narrator knows all, even if the characters are none the wiser. It's like playing The Sims: you know what the next command is, but your Sims don't until they have to do it.

(Actually, third person is a bit like playing God, which is fun. But don't take my word for it.)

—**part 4.4.4 – the then is gone, but the now is here**

Now time for some subliminal messaging.

Ho**w** b**a**dly does i**t** hurt to **c**ramp up w**h**ile **y**ou're j**o**gging? I s**ur**e **t**hink it sucks **e**ggs, do**n**'t you? Nothing suck**s** mor**e** than cramp**s**.

Couldn't find it? Try again.

Ho**W** b**A**dly does i**T** hurt to **C**ramp up w**H**ile **Y**ou're j**O**gging? I s**UR**e **T**hink it sucks **E**ggs, do**N**'t you? Nothing suck**S** mor**E** than cramp**S**.

Catch it that time?

There are three different tenses one can use: past, present, and future. It's best to NEVER EVER OH MY FUCKING GOD NEVER write in future tense, since it's just messed up, so the main ones are past and present.

Past tense is the most common tense written in. It reads as though something has already happened and someone is recounting their experience of the events and writing it down/telling a story aloud. Present tense is what's happening now; instead of being a retelling, it's a follow-me-on-my-journey-and-experience-it-firsthand story.

Past tense is "she said," and present tense is "she says."

Make sure to watch your tenses when you write, and be sure that if a story starts out in past tense, it should end in past tense. Don't just randomly switch in the middle for no damn reason, a'ight?

Fan-flipping-tastic, young ones.

**PART 4.5 – IN CLOSING**

Things we've covered so far:

—Definition of a Mary-Sue  
>—What makes Mary-Sue a Mary-Sue<br>—How to tactfully avoid Sue-hunters  
>—What to look for when reading and writing fanfiction<br>—Properly and believably creating names  
>—How to create and describe their appearance without them morphing into <em>M. susanna<em>  
>—Things to avoid when creating a good back-story<br>—Forming compatible and realistic relationships: friendly, romantic, familial  
>—Controlling rampant OOC-ness<br>—Things to remember when writing an AU or AC story  
>—Keeping the time period in mind<br>—Differing levels of importance of characters  
>—Dialogue and how to use it correctly<br>—Plot and setting  
>—Narration types<br>—Tenses

In the next chapter we'll be fixing some Sues, both flaming and subtle, as well as assessing Sueisms in a universe where normal things are Sueish anywhere else. We'll also cover how everything you've learned so far meshes together in story form, and we'll nitpick an original character in the special Character Breakdown section.

Later!


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